January 2010
58 posts
3 tags
ListenThe Beach Boys - Auld Lang Syne Put your troubles...
Jan 1st
2 tags
Celebrity Sighting
I had lunch in Los Angeles today and sat across from Ken Davitian (Azamat from Borat). Normally, seeing moderately famous people in person doesn’t provoke a response from me. But, the nature of Ken Davitian’s fame (or infamy?) made this a new experience. The moment I recognized him, it wasn’t a matter of, “Oh! It’s so-and-so from that terrible tv show!” Or,...
Jan 1st
December 2009
72 posts
3 tags
ListenElla Fitzgerald - What Are You Doing New...
Dec 31st
3 tags
ListenElla Fitzgerald - What Are You Doing New...
Dec 31st
5 tags
Dec 31st
1 tag
Two Wisconsin Women Reach Plea Deals In Penis... →
CHILTON, Wis. — Two Wisconsin women accused of seeking revenge on a cheating lover by gluing his penis to his stomach have reached plea deals. Forty-eight-year-old Therese Ziemann, of Menasha, was accused of doing the actual gluing. She pleaded no contest Monday to reduced charges of disorderly conduct and misdemeanor battery. Her sister, 43-year-old Michelle Belliveau, of Neenah, pleaded no...
Dec 30th
3 tags
“What is that? Are you supposed to eat that paper towel?”
– My dad, upon seeing a whole wheat crepe for the first time. To which my brother replied, “No no. It’s like a French pancake. A Francake.”
Dec 30th
2 notes
1 tag
Dec 29th
2 tags
Dec 29th
5 notes
1 tag
Dec 28th
5 notes
3 tags
Muscle Memory
I just rode a bike for the first time in about ten years. It’s true what they say about never forgetting how to ride a bicycle. And there’s no more appropriate phrase for describing the ease of transitioning back into a long ignored activity than being “like riding a bike.” However, one thing my muscle memory failed to remind me of was the discomfort of the seat, and the...
Dec 28th
2 tags
Dec 27th
2 notes
2 tags
ListenDean Martin - Baby, It’s Cold Outside This...
Dec 25th
4 tags
ListenVince Guaraldi Trio - Skating For all the...
Dec 25th
2 tags
ListenVince Guaraldi Trio - Christmastime Is Here Merry...
Dec 25th
2 tags
“Whoa, whoa. Why are you adding so much chees—wait. What am I talking...”
– My Brother, while we prepared Christmas Eve dinner.
Dec 25th
1 note
2 tags
Effects of Christmas Song Overload
I’ve heard a few Christmas songs so many times in the past week that their lyrics have morphed in my head and their stories turned into twisted, nonsensical holiday tales. After hearing “Angels we have heard on high” a dozen times, the song became “Angels, we have heard are high.” And the story became one of angels lounging around on a cloud, laughing incessantly at...
Dec 25th
1 tag
Dec 25th
2 tags
Conversation With The Parents: Groceries
Me: [on phone] I'm at the store, did you need anything?
Mom: Um. I don't think so. Hold on. [to Dad] Did you need anything from the store?
Dad: [in background] No. I think we're good.
Mom: No. We don't need anything right now.
Me: Ok. See you in a while.
Mom: Ok. Drive safe.
*eight minutes later*
Me: [answering phone] Hello?
Mom: Hey. Are you still at the store?
Me: Yes. I'm just about done.
Mom: Ok. Well, your dad just farted and it smells awful.
Me: ...Ok...And?
Mom: Oh. Yeah. It reminded me that we need eggs. Can you pick up a carton?
Me: That's disgusting.
Mom: It really was. Trust me. I think we might need to buy new curtains.
Dad: [in background] I'm sorry!
Me: Ok, ok. I'm hanging up now.
Mom: Drive safe!
Dec 24th
2 tags
Conversation With The Parents: Slang
Me: Are you done Christmas shopping for mom?
Dad: I guess so.
Me: Well, what else do you need?
Dad: I don't know. What do you think we should get her?
Me: Well, I need to swing by Costco later. Maybe you could find something there? Jewelry maybe?
Dad: Good idea. I'll get her some blings.
Me: What?
Dad: Some blingy.
Me: Please stop.
Dad: Blang blang.
Dec 24th
3 tags
Dec 24th
34 notes
2 tags
ListenVentures - Jingle Bell Rock
Dec 24th
2 tags
ListenOtis Redding - Merry Christmas, Baby
Dec 23rd
2 tags
ListenThe Jackson 5 - Up On The House Top
Dec 22nd
4 tags
Dec 22nd
3 tags
ListenThe Carpenters - Merry Christmas Darling
Dec 21st
1 tag
Dec 20th
9 notes
1 tag
Dec 20th
1 tag
Dec 20th
2 tags
Dec 20th
11 notes
3 tags
ListenStevie Wonder - Someday At Christmas
Dec 20th
4 tags
Dec 19th
22 notes
2 tags
Decade Countdown: Top 10 Years of the Past 10...
10. 2001 09. 2004 08. 2005 07. 2000 06. 2003 05. 2007 04. 2008 03. 2009 02. 2002 01. 2006
Dec 19th
3 tags
ListenSam Cooke & Soul Stirrers - Christmas Means...
Dec 18th
5 notes
1 tag
Dec 17th
1 tag
Dec 17th
2 tags
Dec 17th
3 tags
Dec 16th
3 tags
Dec 16th
2 tags
ListenMew - Snow Brigade Show number four and they...
Dec 16th
1 tag
Dec 16th
2 tags
Dec 15th
4 notes
1 tag
Dec 14th
6 notes
2 tags
Dec 14th
3 tags
ListenMassive Attack (feat. Tunde Adebimpe) - Pray For...
Dec 13th
2 tags
Dec 13th
3 tags
Reimagined Lyrics for a Christmas Classic
by The Funny Kid in the Frozen Food Aisle at Trader Joes Christmas Classic: The 12 Days of Christmas Original Line: “…and a partridge in a pear tree.” Hilarious New Line: “…and a palm tree in a dead tree.”
Dec 13th
3 tags
Dec 12th
2 tags
Christmas Carpal Tunnel
I just finished signing about 250 Christmas cards as fast as I could. While I saved myself some time with the speed at which I was writing my name, it did come with some consequences: My hands, arms and face are covered in glitter. I misspelled my name twice. At around card #236, my hand cramped up pretty bad. I didn’t want to slow down, so I kept writing. My hand wasn’t cooperating...
Dec 12th
2 tags
Dec 11th