The amount of time I laughed at this was a quick reminder that my sense of humor has not, and probably will never mature.

Roger Ebert Hails Human Existence As ‘A Triumph’

CHICAGO—Calling the overall human experience “poignant,” “thought-provoking,” and a “complete tour de force,” film critic Roger Ebert praised existence Thursday as “an audacious and thrilling triumph.” “While not without its flaws, life, from birth to death, is a masterwork, and an uplifting journey that both touches the heart and challenges the mind,” said Ebert, adding that while the totality of all humankind is sometimes “a mess in places,” it strives to be a magnum opus and, according to Ebert, largely succeeds at this goal. “At times brutally sad, yet surprisingly funny, and always completely honest, I wholeheartedly recommend existence. If you haven’t experienced it yet, then what are you waiting for? It is not to be missed.” Ebert later said that while human existence’s running time was “a little on the long side,” it could have gone on much, much longer and he would have been perfectly happy.

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As usual, The Onion nails it. RIP Mr. Ebert.

I bet Jason really enjoys when people ask him which part of the female body he likes most as they snicker to themselves.

Can you find the baseball?

I bet there’s some guy out there with really bad herpes, and he sees this picture and thinks, “UGH, I GET IT. Those Las Vegas commercials are misleading. I GET IT. I LEARNED MY LESSON. GO AWAY ALREADY, BURNING AND ITCHING SENSATIONS.”

But little does he know, the herpes is trying to teach him how to properly use the words ironic and literally.

A couple of nice young men came to my door this morning and told me about how Kenny Loggins sacrificed himself for my sins. I didn’t even know Kenny Loggins passed away. I guess life in the danger zone finally caught up to him.

You see?! Even the words with friends says so! Do you hear me, you damn kids of today? If you don’t listen to me, at least listen to the words with friends. Because I know how much all the kids love their words with friends.

Anybody missing a moccasin? I found it. It’s on the corner of PCH and Crenshaw.